Hidden Pain
by PoetryPeaches
Summary: Angel follows Buffy after patrol one cold winter night


Disclaimer: not mine never were I'm just borrowing them and I have no rights to the song in this story they are by the group Evanescence and are not mine   
  
Spoilers: everything up to Buffy's return from the dead, except with the lack of a C/A relationship.   
  
AN: For the purpose of this story we're going to say once Buffy came back from the dead that she and Dawn moved in with Angel so that Buffy could get back on her feet, this story is set in the winter. Also this is my first Buffy fic, so please be gentle, I bruise easy, very, very easy.   
  
"Goodnight Dawn," I say kissing my sister goodnight, "I'll be back later." "Hey where are you going?" Angel asked swiftly getting up from his seat downstairs where I imagine he was waiting for me like he always is, every night when I go out. "Out," I say simply grabbing my jacket, "and don't worry I'm not patrolling, I know how you feel about me patrolling alone." I'm out the door before he can reply and I instinctively know this is the night when he'll follow me to find out where I go, just like he's been wanting to ever since I started going out at night. "Cordelia?" Angel asks as he comes into the small club that he followed Buffy to, "what are you doing here? With my son." Connor glared and Cordelia said, "I ran into him on my way here and so he came with me to watch the show." "He's supposed to be asleep," Angel half growled. "Come on Angel chill out he just wants to watch the show then he'll go home," Cordelia pleaded, "besides it's not every night or anything." Angel sighed and asked, "Where's Buffy?" "Did you follow her here?" Cordelia demanded. Angel nodded guiltily and Cordelia sighed and pointed at a closed door, "she's back there, and you shouldn't have followed her." Suddenly the owner of the club interrupted them by going on stage and announcing, "back by popular demand Anne Summers with one of her more popular songs "Tourniquet." Angel gasped as Buffy walked onstage with Oz and the rest of the Dingoes who were touring in LA and began to sing.  
  
~Tourniquet~  
  
I tried to kill the pain  
  
But only brought more  
  
I lay dying  
  
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal  
  
I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming  
  
Am I too lost to be saved  
  
Am I too lost?  
  
My god my tourniquet  
  
Return to me salvation  
  
My god my tourniquet  
  
Return to me salvation  
  
Do you remember me  
  
Lost for so long  
  
Will you be on the other side  
  
Or will you forget me  
  
I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming  
  
Am I too lost to be saved  
  
Am I too lost?  
  
My god my tourniquet  
  
Return to me salvation  
  
My god my tourniquet  
  
Return to me salvation  
  
My wounds cry for the grave  
  
My soul cries for deliverance  
  
Will I be denied, Christ  
  
Tourniquet  
  
My suicide  
  
Buffy smiled sadly at Angel as she finished her song, she knew it had to be hard for him, to find out how she really felt this way. Buffy took a deep breath, hugged Oz and the owner of the club and walked for the exit, she wasn't ready to deal with Angel yet. Angel noticed this and rushed after her, "Buffy wait for me," he shouted. "I don't want to do this right now?" Buffy said to him once he caught up. "Buffy," Angel said grabbing her arm to stop her from leaving, "why didn't you tell me you were feeling like this, I could have helped, done something." "You can't do anything Angel," Buffy said, "I got pulled out of heaven, by my best friends no less. And now I'm stuck here in a world I don't want to be a part of, but I can't leave because everyone needs me too much. That's why they brought me back, because everyone needs me, well I need a rest, but I'm a slayer and I don't get one.ever. Every single time I get some happiness or even a peaceful afterlife it gets screwed up and I'm right back where I started." Angel nodded, "you're right, we do need you. Dawn, Willow, Cordelia, Xander, Anya, Giles, Connor and I we all need you. We love you, we need you, that's why we can't let you leave." "You don't love me Angel, you love the old me, the one you left," Buffy said bitterly. "No, I love you Buffy Summers, I love you just the way you are," Angel said before kissing her senseless. They stayed that way for a long time, just standing on the road kissing and when they finally pulled away it was snowing just like that one night so many years ago. 


End file.
